Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
