help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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