careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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