In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Randomize
