It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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