Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
