you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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