i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
