I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
