Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
