just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
