Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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