I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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