I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
