i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
