I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
