ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Randomize
