my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
