God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
