Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
