Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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