i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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