I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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