You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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