similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
