the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
