I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Randomize
