Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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