My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
