a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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