first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
