she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
