Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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