When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
