I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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