I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
