I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
