absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
