do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
