Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
