I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
