This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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