You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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