there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
