Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
