You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
