Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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