im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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