If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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