Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
