She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
