The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
