so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
